I am quite sure that my 33 year old self would tell my 28 year old self to quit worrying so much about what MIGHT happen and focus on improving what IS happening. It seems simple... in theory.
On the other-hand, my 28 year old self has no idea what my 33 year old self has seen and done and accomplished so, your guess is as good as mine. Lets write a letter.
December 28th, 2011
Connecticut, USA
Dear 18 year old Me,
You're doing everything right, so don't stress out about it too much. You could put in a little more effort in class before graduation, but you'll throw away your academic scholarship by the end of your Freshman year of college anyway. All that money you get for "graduation gifts?" Spend it. Live in the moment. You've managed to spend the last 18 years holding back because you know all the money you're spending is your parents'. Just go for it and don't worry about what your parents might think. They can't balance their own checkbook so don't let them tell you what to do with yours. [I love you ma, but you know its true.]
All those "silly" ideas you have like not drinking until you've made a solid group of friends in college, or why you'll know the "right time" is actually the "right time" will work perfectly. In fact, there's very little about our college years that I would tell you to do differently. If I tell you to focus more on class, then the life lessons coming at you might be ignored, and that just won't do. The only classes you'll do really poorly in are classes that you won't use at all, at least up until this point. Don't freak out about your Literature classes either. You may have a hard time reading on demand now, but give it a few years... you will eventually read Pride and Prejudice more times than you can currently comprehend [without imagining it as a form of torture].
If anything, talk to your professors more. Take advantage of the knowledge they have and the important friendships they can offer. Let them know how much you appreciate them. The ones who really believe in you, and want you to do well, and will celebrate your post college victories with you won't be there forever. They won't be there for very long at all. That loss will be with you for a very long time.
You are awkward. Embrace it. It will make you more friends if you just own it and let it flow freely.
Speaking of friends; if they seem evil and conniving, and manipulating, they probably are and you definitely don't want them around any longer than necessary. You will live with one of these people. She will try to consume your soul. You will win the battle, but it won't be easy. You will also [very briefly] date one of these people. He's the only boy I'd ever tell you NOT to kiss. GIANT HINT: if they're willing to humiliate other people they once called friends, they'll probably try to humiliate you. You are the bigger person and nothing they can do or say will change how your true friends perceive you, just be aware of how the people around you treat others.
My only other request is that you don't let your friends make decisions for you. Even if they seem like silly little nothings at the time, your friends are not you and cannot live your life, no matter how hard they may try. Keep true to yourself.
There will be some rough times after college. But there will also be some amazing friends, and everything that happens will teach you important lessons about who you are, what you need, and what you deserve. You WILL escape from the clutches of the south western desert. You won't miss it. [at least not yet.] You WILL miss California. Visit more while you can.
Take chances. Everything will work itself out eventually, but you have to have your hands on the wheel. Whatever you do, don't let go.
Most assuredly yours,
Me
Fun times. 3 more days of 2011, can you believe it!?!?!
<3 pennilane
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